Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:12
Today, my Bedford County novella A Sojourner’s Solace is being released. Because family is a strong theme of this story, I thought a week-long series on the subject through devotionals and videos would be appropriate. Each day, you can enter for a chance to win a $50 Amazon Gift Card. Come along with me on the adventure of family exploration!
Do you have a large family? Maybe a few sibs, cousins, in-laws, outlaws? The verse above from Ephesians popped up when I searched out scripture for families. I had to laugh, because the memories I have with my brother and sisters didn’t resemble anything close to being humble or gentle. And patient? That was for clients at a doctor’s office.
However, there was a lot of love going on. My younger sister and I could be at each other’s throats, but the moment someone outside the family dared to hurt us with words or deeds, we’d be the first line of defense. It’s like that with families.
My protagonist, Kate Mallory, was raised in New York City by a single mother who wasn’t much interested in fostering a relationship with her daughter. The closest thing Kate had to parental leadership was the love of her late granddad. When her mom suddenly passes away, Kate is struck with how alone she truly is without anyone to call family as an only child of an only child. But is she? Is there a dad out there somewhere, and half-siblings she knows nothing about?
If you’re an only child, maybe you’ve often wondered what it would’ve been like to have brothers and sisters. Or maybe you were thrilled to not share the attention of your parents. If you’re not an only child, I’m sure there were days you wish you were. Sibling rivalry is a real thing. You only have to get into the fourth chapter of Genesis to see the first account with Cain and Abel.
Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. And Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. Genesis 4:2b-5
We weren’t much concerned as young kids what God thought of us, but we scuffled some for our parents’ favor. Being the middle child of five, I felt especially slighted (which I’m sure was all in my mind). It sets us up later for being overly competitive as adults. It’s only through the work of the Holy Spirit that we can come to understand how detrimental it is to compare ourselves with others. It breeds envy and jealousy, discontentment and pettiness. And entitlement. That’s a biggie.
When feelings of inadequacy come tapping on my shoulder, I go to Psalms and immerse myself in 139. It not only reminds me of how uniquely made I am, it reminds me how uniquely made all of God’s children are as well. I may not have the same traits of my sisters, and that’s okay. I wasn’t meant to. When we can celebrate the differences in our siblings, then there is less chance to play the comparison game with them and others.
How much different our world would be today if we followed Paul’s command. Humble. Gentle. Patient. Loving. It’s impossible to do in our own strength—especially with those with whom we disagree. It starts in the home. If we cannot model this for our children, then there is little hope of them doing it for their own. And the downward cycle just continues.
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