“It’s not my fault!”
How many times have you heard that come out of your kids’ mouths—or sadly, even some adults? It was my daughter’s favorite line for a couple of years when she was young. As frustrating as it was, it afforded me a teaching opportunity.
“I’m not casting blame here, Nikki,” I’d say with a forced smile. Or maybe it was a jaw-clenching grimace. “But if you made the choice that put you in this situation, you need to take responsibility for it.”
When my son was fourteen, he and a group of friends vandalized their elementary school. I don’t think it was with malicious intent—they were bored and wandered onto the campus on a hot summer day with nothing else to occupy their hands and minds. What started as harmless fun escalated into something serious. The next day, with guilt plaguing him, my son went back to the school. Maybe he wanted to assess the damage, maybe he wanted to try and fix things. Either way, he was caught on camera wearing the same shirt as the day before—and he was arrested and confessed to the entire thing.
As difficult as it was to walk through that embarrassing situation, as angry as I was at my child for acting in a way that I found abhorrent, I was also proud of him for how he handled the situation. He didn’t make excuses—in fact, it wasn’t until years later that I discovered he was dealing with some very dark emotions at the time due to an abuse that is not mine to share. And though he was with several “friends,” none of them stepped up and took their part of the blame, so the entire crime fell on his scrawny shoulders.
When my ex-husband and I picked him up at the police station, the probation officer who met us cautioned us to go easy on him. “He’s beating himself up pretty badly. He feels like he’s completely destroyed your family. I have to admit, I did much the same thing when I was his age—I just didn’t get caught.” That eased my fears. Maybe I hadn’t raised a career criminal after all. The fact that he’d taken responsibility and was sick over what he’d done gave me hope.
Then we met with a lawyer. He gave the profession a bad name, as if there aren’t enough lawyer jokes out there already.
“Your boy made a vital mistake,” he’d said with a scowl. “I tell my clients they should never, ever confess to the crime. If he hadn’t done that, I might’ve been able to get him off.”
I saw red and didn’t bother to curb my opinion of an adult who would not only condone lying, but counseled his clients to never be truthful. To not take responsibility. It seem justice is not only blind, but often deaf and dumb, too.
Doesn’t that appear to be the way of the culture these days? Just this morning, I was reading through Proverbs 6 and it shone a big ol’ spotlight on our world.
A worthless person, a wicked man,
Walks with a perverse mouth;
He winks with his eyes,
He shuffles his feet,
He points with his fingers;
Perversity is in his heart,
He devises evil continually,
He sows discord.
Therefore his calamity shall come suddenly;
Suddenly he shall be broken without remedy.
These six things the LORD hates,
Yes, seven are an abomination to Him:
A proud look,
A lying tongue,
Hands that shed innocent blood,
A heart that devises wicked plans,
Feet that are swift in running to evil,
A false witness who speaks lies,
And one who sows discord among brethren.
There is no doubt we live in a sin-filled world of broken people. It’s why I write the stories I do—and why hope infuses every one of them. I pray that like my characters, those who are blind to the judgement that is coming will have their hearts and eyes opened before it’s too late. We are responsible for every word that comes from our mouths, every thought that grieves the Lord, and every action that causes harm to ourselves and others. The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but thank God that Jesus came that we may have abundant life.
