Although most of what I write is fiction, I do dabble with non-fiction at times. In fact, I’ve had four stories published in Chicken Soup Books: Recovering from Traumatic Brain Injury; Life Lessons from the Dog; and two in Laughter is the Best Medicine. Months ago, I shared Tread Lightly, the story about my daughter Nikki’s treadmill incident. Here is the second story. Hope you enjoy.
As a new member of the Sienes clan, I was just starting to understand the personalities and dynamics of my husband’s family. First off, my husband’s brother-in-law, Jim, who looked like a member of the Hell’s Angels with his long gray beard and propensity to ride a Harley, was more like a gentle giant. He just looked scary. He did the majority of holiday cooking and could rival the talent of any foodie. And my father-in-law, Dan, a take-charge kind of man who was always ready for the next adventure, loved nothing more than to travel with his family.
So it was, on Christmas Eve, at my sister and brother-in-law’s home that we were discussing an upcoming trip to Spain. I was beyond excited, because I’d never traveled any farther than Canada and Mexico.
“You have to learn how to pack for this sort of trip, young lady,” Dan instructed. As a retired schoolteacher and principal, he never tired of educating me. We were all standing around the kitchen island—the proverbial gathering place anytime we got together. “You don’t want to travel around Europe with more than one suitcase, so you need to pack light. There are tricks of the trade.”
“Like what?” I slid onto a bar stool and leaned my elbows on the counter. I was ready to take whatever advice this seasoned traveler had to offer.
He cleared his throat. “You gotta think outside the box. One thing I do is take women’s underwear.”
I blinked. Did I misunderstand him? Ignoring my husband’s snicker, I looked at Dan. “Excuse me?”
“They’re easier to wash out in the hotel bathroom and they dry overnight. I get the same kind your mother-in-law wears. Except—” he held up a finger to make a point. “—I get them in a much larger size.”
Diane, my sister-in-law laughed, probably at the expression on my face. The last thing I wanted to visualize was Dan wearing Pat’s underwear. I looked at Chris, my husband, with raised eyebrows.
“Hey, you wanted to know his traveling secrets.”
“Do you wear women’s underwear when you travel?”
“Not on your life,” he assured me.
Well, that was a relief.
The next morning, as I was still processing last night’s lesson, we were again gathering in the kitchen, this time for breakfast. Jim was manning the stove, whipping up pancake batter. My mother-in-law, Pat, wandered into the room, still in her bathrobe. She’s a tiny woman with twinkling green eyes and a ready smile.
“How’d you sleep, Mom?” Diane asked, setting a stack of plates next to the stove top.
“I slept great, sweetheart.” She readjusted her robe and sat at the bar stool Dan pulled out for her. “The only thing is that I forgot to brush my teeth, so I had to get up after everyone else was asleep. When I got into the bathroom, I realized I left my toothpaste in the bedroom. I figured you guys had some in one of the drawers.”
Diane set a cup of coffee in front of Pat. “Did you find it?”
“Well, I thought I did. I didn’t want to wake anyone up, so I just used the nightlight. I found a tube of something and put it on my toothbrush. But it tasted funny. So I turned on the light. It wasn’t toothpaste at all but Vagisil.”
There were gasps and oh no’s as all eyes turned to Diane.
“Don’t look at me,” she said with a straight face. “It’s not mine.”
A heartbeat later, Jim’s deep voice cut through the confusion. “It’s mine.” He flipped a pancake as if he didn’t just open the door for a barrage of jokes. “It works great for chaffing,” he said matter-of-factually. Who knew bikers had such challenges?
I looked at Chris. “What in the world have I married into?” But I couldn’t contain the smile that bubbled up. There wouldn’t be a shortage of laughs with this family.
Comments 2
How fun, love family stories!
I love this story. I know you and Chris miss them dearly.