Tell me I’m not the only person out there to ever get a little head-slap from God. It not only hurts (emotionally), but it’s humiliating, as well. That moment when the Holy Spirit unveils my eyes to my failure, and I hang my head in shame. Why does it always come as such a shock? One would think I’d be aware I’m acting in a way that doesn’t honor God.
You might be wondering what precipitated this little confession of mine—or maybe you don’t, but I’m going to tell you anyway. A few weeks ago, I received the first round of edits for All That Glitters, my Apple Hill Christmas novella. I’m not new to editors, but I am new to this one. When I opened the document, I thought my heart would stop, and a small part of me welcomed it. At least then, I wouldn’t have to face the 746 comments on a 35,000-word manuscript. I did the math. That’s a comment for every 47 words, and they weren’t happy-face emojis or hearts, let me tell you.
When the going gets tough, the tough step aside for a couple of days to process. For me, this meant jumping into a project I’d had planned for months—stripping the old wood from 
our front door and sidelights and repainting them a new, fun color. The benefit of this was two-fold: I could redeem myself a little by the small success of a job well done while I thought about the edits and wrestled with the editor (in my head.)
The two days I went through the laborious process of stripping and painting, I moved through the stages of grief for the death of my novella and finally landed on acceptance. It was during this quiet time the Holy Spirit revealed that I wrote it solo. I was arrogant enough to think because I’d written a few full-length books, I didn’t need any divine guidance for this shorter manuscript.
Color me wrong.
As I reread the story along with the hard-but-truthful comments from the editor, I began to wonder if I’d blacked out and an alter ego wrote it in my place. How else could my protagonist and her sidekick come across so harsh and judgmental? After a lot of prayer, I realized the story suffered because of where my head was while in the creative process (if you could even call it that.) The only way to fix it was to dig in and do some major rewrites.
No one can dispute the last several months have been difficult and stressful. Everything in our country (dare I say the world) is topsy-turvy. Evil abounds, and good, hard-working people are being destroyed in the process. It’s not just the pandemic, but what’s behind it and surrounding it. All this to say while I wrote the novella, I was angry. It’s not something I voiced, but my heart ached with the emotion, and it came out in my story. My characters were harsh and judgmental because I felt harsh and judgmental. I was like Jonah who didn’t want compassion for the evil people of Ninevah, but God’s wrath instead. I may not have control over the actions of people who are bent on gaining whatever they can at the cost of numerous others, but I had control over my characters. Sadly, it didn’t bode well for them.
Had All That Glitters been published the way I first wrote it, I would have been devastated. All of us struggle at one time or another to be the light we’re called to be. It’s one thing for those closest to us to see it, speak truth (we hope), and help us get back on the narrow road. It’s another for those I don’t even know to get a glimpse of the ugliness that comes out when I’m not at my best—when I’m not prayed up and moving forward with benefit of the full armor of God.
The Lord speaks to us in many ways—through mature Christians, the Word of God, or His still, small voice. If He can speak through a donkey, He can certainly speak through an editor. And this author is grateful that He did. When All That Glitters is released, be assured the Lord was the true author, and I was merely the humble servant—as it should be.
Comments 2
The hardest thing is to stop and let God. We are human.
Oh can I relate. Thanks for being so transparent.