I was asked by author Jennifer Sienes to be a guest blogger. I’m not much of a writer, and I don’t know that I have all that much to share, but I’ll give it a shot.
My name is Melissa Bainbridge. I live in Placerville, California with my three kids—Emily (13), Joshua (9), and Eli (7). If you’re unfamiliar with California, Placerville is a small town that sits between Lake Tahoe and Sacramento. We have a lot of Gold Rush history here, as well as a claim to some famous people—Levi Strauss and Thomas Kincade to name a couple.
It’s been a rough time of it for my family since my husband Trevor died. He was in his early forties, so his death was unexpected. What’s more, he committed suicide. Such a sad word, don’t you think? Because of the stigma surrounding suicide, it’s a little difficult for me to tell people. If he’d died in a car accident or of cancer—things for which no one can be blamed—it might be different. But he didn’t.
If you’re struggling, tell someone you trust. Trevor didn’t do that. In fact, I am ashamed to admit, I had no idea. He was artistic and could be temperamental, so I just assumed… anyway, holding onto survivor’s guilt does no good. In fact, those close to someone who’s committed suicide are at higher risk themselves. This has made me a little hyper-sensitive with my children.
I’ve done my fair share of research on suicide lately. Did you know it’s the 10th leading cause of death in the United States? That likely has escalated after recent events in our country. If you or someone you love has thought about suicide, there is help. You can contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline (Lifeline) at (800) 273-TALK (8255).
Our story isn’t really about suicide, though. It’s about the struggle to come together as a family when we’re missing a vital component. We don’t work as well—like a chair with only three legs. The boys are angry, especially Eli. He doesn’t understand why his dad isn’t coming back. Josh, well, he understands how unfair it is. And Emily? She needs someone to take it out on, and I’m it. But we’re getting by. In fact, it’s drawn us all closer to each other and closer to the Lord. We’ve discovered a strength beyond anything we’d expected, and I know that strength doesn’t come from us.
One thing I’ve come to understand is that God uses His children to bring support and comfort. I think about that story of a man who was stuck on a rooftop in a flood. He prayed to God for help. A rowboat, a motorboat, and a helicopter all came by and offered to save him, but he turned them away, because he was waiting on God. Anyway, I left a link to the story, so you can read it for yourself. The point is, when we pray, God often sends help in unexpected ways. We just need to be on the lookout.
Another thing I’ve come to realize is that no matter how difficult our life might be, someone always has it worse. I think about Elaina Hensley. You’ll get to know her a little better when her story comes out in November. She takes center stage in Jennifer’s next Christmas novella. When we focus on others (like Elaina), rather than ourselves, it changes our perspective. It’s easy to get wrapped up in our own tragedy, but I know God has a plan and purpose in it. To be honest, until we all went through this, I didn’t give my relationship to God much thought. We went to church, I’d pray, read a little of the Bible here and there… But that’s not a relationship. It’d be like me basing my relationship with my husband on an occasional, shallow connection. The more I put into it, the more I get out of it. And the more I learn to trust the One who holds me in the palm of His righteous right hand.
I guess I had more to say than I thought. Just one more thing—Providence isn’t a sad story any more than our lives are all one thing or another. It’s a story of loss and grief, sure. But it’s also a story of redemption and hope. There’s always hope.
Comments 1
Great job Melissa! You have MUCH to say, in a very honest way. Thank you for sharing your story! May God richly bless you and your family for it! ❤️🙏🏻❤️