When was the last time you felt that giddy-in-the-throat joy or saw something so breathtaking, you were brought to tears? As I get older (and prayerfully, wiser) it occurs more often for me, and it doesn’t take much. I can stand at my back window and watch the antics of the vibrant red cardinals flitting around the bird feeder, and a lump forms in my throat. Or stand on my front porch during a lightening storm and wonder at the power of God. A song by MercyMe or a couple’s ice-skating routine brings tears to my eyes. I’m sure you’ve had moments like these, as well.
I’m not the bucket-list type. When the movie The Bucket List came out in 2007, starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, it seemed like it created a catch-phrase question: What’s on your Bucket List? Sadly, I struggled with this question. The only thing I had on mine was to someday have a book published, which seemed like such an impossibility. I don’t care much about traveling, although I’m not opposed to it. I’m definitely not a dare devil—parasailing was adventurous enough for me, and now that I’ve done it, I’m satisfied. And the desire to have grandchildren is out of my control, so it doesn’t count as bucket-list material. Admittedly, I’m pretty boring.
But there has been one thing (aside from the book publishing gig) that has always been on my heart—to learn to play the piano. Of course, the older I got, the less likely it seemed. I’ve carted around a Casio keyboard, given to me by a friend, for years. When my daughter showed interest in acquiring it, I thought about it for a minute or two, and selfishly kept it for myself. When we were trimming out all excess stuff in preparation for cross-country move, it seemed a little silly to hang onto it. I’d spent all of thirty minutes with it in the past ten years, just trying to figure out where middle C was (because this keyboard doesn’t have the traditional 88 keys of a piano.)
But one thing I’m learning is that if there is a deep, unshakable desire in our hearts, it was most likely put there by our Creator. So, I lugged that keyboard from California to Tennessee and set it up in my hobby room, as if its mere presence would somehow draw me to it. And, you know what? It did. I didn’t inherit my grandfather’s musical genius. He played piano professionally, and although he never really learned to read music, it didn’t matter. He could hear a piece once, and then play it. Ahh, to be so gifted.
It took me about a week to get hooked. I mean, really hooked. An hour of practice feels like ten minutes, and playing something so elementary it should be embarrassing feels like I’m playing a concerto. Because it’s pure joy. It’s that giddy-in-the-throat joy. The joy of doing something God put on my heart years ago, and no distance or distraction kept it at bay forever. A long time, maybe, but not forever.
What has God placed on your heart that you haven’t attempted? Is there something you’ve longed to do, but time or circumstances or insecurity has kept you from it? I encourage you to give it a chance, because it’s likely a gift just waiting to be opened. If I’ve learned nothing else from all the years as a writer, I’ve learned perseverance. To love something enough to give it your all will be blessed in time. It may not be what you expect, but I’m pretty sure it’ll be better, because in God’s economy, it always is.
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My desires have always been to have a loving marriage, where we could forgive our foibles, and love each other enough that divorce was not going to happen. I had that marriage, but it ended when my husband died. Another desire was to raise children into happy, competent adults. I, with my husband have done that too.
Now I am in the position to be whatever I want to be, but I have no clue what that should be. I told my daughter this morning that it would be nice to actually pay off the mortgage I just refinanced. I have been a homeowner for the last 40 years, but we have had 3 houses and many refinanced mortgages. My goal now is to not get so deep in debt that I need to refinance. So that means I have 30 years to fill. My daughter says I should aim for 40, since grandpa lived that long. There are places I would like to see, but not enough to pay to get there and definitely not alone.
Sorry. this turned into a blog of it’s own. I just feel, I have done what God asked of me, now what?