Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.
Isaiah 40:31
When I was little, my mother told me that she knew I’d be an impatient person because I was born two weeks early. I don’t know if there was any scientific validity to her prediction, but she was spot on. I never saw it when I was young. In fact, I thought my premature delivery had more to do with the fact that she went dancing that night with my dad than any in uteros determination on my part.
The truth is, I think I’m pathologically impatient. I’m sure I’ve blogged on this before, but recent struggles make it apparent that I’m not improving much in this area, so here I am again, lamenting over this issue. If you’ve driven in front of me, going the Amador County rate of five to ten miles under the speed limit, you can attest to my failure with the virtue of patience.
Honestly, I am getting better in some instances. I don’t push my need to know now mentality onto my husband’s self-reflective (translation: in his cave) thought processes anymore—not much, anyway. And I’m learning to have more realistic expectations in the training of our puppy, Cheyenne. I’ve discovered that just because she looks like a full-grown dog, doesn’t mean she has the mental capacity of one.
But when it comes to my work, to what I truly believe God’s called me to do, then impatience reigns. You’d think that knowing it’s God’s work would allow me the peace to step back and let Him orchestrate things in His own time and in His own way. Not so! The only thing slower than my growth in this area is the time it takes to break into the traditional publishing industry. I’m sure the analogy is a God-designed correlation.
So rather than sit back, do the work and wait, I start second guessing God. What a colossal waste of time and energy. Like I’m going to actually figure out how He’s thinking! More than likely, He’s waiting on me. He’s waiting to see if I can let go of my own agenda and allow Him to work in and through me. I seem to get into that place for a day or two, maybe even three, then I fail again. And when I fail, it’s the perfect opportunity for the enemy to get in there and remind me of that fact, which often derails me.
God doesn’t want us to surrender a little, or even a lot—He wants all of us. Patience is not my only weak area (I could write a book!) but it’s the area He seems focused on at the moment. And I’m grateful. Because the harder He pushes, the closer I am to surrender. The closer I am to surrender, the more able He is to shape me into the image of Jesus Christ. Of course, that work won’t be complete here on earth, but at least it’s a forward process.
What areas in your character is God working on? Believe me, facing weaknesses head on is a lot easier in the long run than running away from them. God is…well…God, after all, and He’ll reign in our lives one way or another. I heard a pastor say once that we can learn and live or live and learn. It’s a smoother process to learn (what God wants of us) and live it than live (how we want to) and learn the hard way.
