I’ve been reading a “new” book—I ordered it almost a year ago and it sat in my stack. Do you have one of those stacks? Books you’ve collected with every intention to read, but somehow can’t find the time? I really hope I’m not the only one. Anyway, I found it as I was packing to move across country and placed it in my backpack with all my Bible study paraphernalia. I like to believe that, although I collect these books, I will get to them when I’m meant to—because God knows what I need and when I need it.
The book is by John Ortberg (I’ve loved everything I’ve read by him) and it’s called If You Want to Walk on Water You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat. I could do a blog every week for a year with the lessons I’m being reminded of, because none of it is new. But the one I want to focus on today is waiting on God’s timing. This has been a hard one for me.
I’ve been writing forever. Okay, since I was about twelve, but if feels like forever. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and I truly believe God put that desire on my heart. But it wasn’t until about ten years ago, when I attended my first writer’s conference, that I believed it is what I’ve been called to do. For what purpose? That’s been the harder question to answer. I met with author after author who had been published and was on the road to some success. And yet…I continued to struggle. I acquired an agent, won a national writing conference and still…nothing. A couple of short stories here and there, but my true love is novels: women’s contemporary fiction with a strong element of romance.
Then I stepped away from writing to work in my husband’s office. At the time, we thought it would be a couple months. But then chaos happened and two months turned into almost three years. It wasn’t like my writing career was going anywhere, and my husband needed me. That’s the easy explanation. The harder one was that God had to work on my character. He had to make writing not be the most important thing, but instead, serving Him had to take center stage. And the best way to serve our great God is to serve others.
When Chris decided to retire, I had the opportunity to get back to writing. Then my agent, who said she’d wait for me, retired. I was offered another agent, but I kept hearing God whisper Let me be your Agent. Who ditches a prominent literary agency if they have any hope of being published? But the notion wouldn’t be dispelled, and I asked to be out of my contract. Sounds easy, but the internal struggle I went through to hit the “send” key to email the request was anything but easy. However, I’d come to the point where if I was going to get a book contract, God was a much better advocate than any literary agent. And if I wasn’t going to get published, it was time to figure out what I was supposed to do instead of write. Maybe I’d gotten my signals mixed or God just wanted me to work toward something and be okay if it didn’t pan out. I’ve never been great at accepting failure.
Then I attended yet another writer’s conference—and was offered a book contract. Was it because I’d become a better writer? Doubtful, since I’d competed the book (and two others) before I went to work in my husband’s office.
Same work. Different me.
I’m not the same person I was three years ago. I’m really writing for an audience of One. I’m not saying I wouldn’t be thrilled if women read my book and are entertained (and dare I say inspired) but once the book is written, what becomes of it isn’t up to me.
In John Ortberg’s book he quotes Isaiah 40:30-31 Even youths will faint and be weary, and the young will fall exhausted; but those who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.
And then he writes: So you keep walking, because what we wait for is not more important than what happens to us while we are waiting.
Are you frustrated by a period of waiting? Rather than focus on that frustration, focus on what God’s doing in you and through you. Because He uses everything to create the best you you can be.
