If you readjust the pillows on your bed so they’re just right (more than once), you may be in the same psychotic boat as me—a Type-A personality. Okay, I’m not really a Type-A, but I definitely lean precariously in that direction. Just the other morning, I actually rolled my eyes and took charge as my oh-so-patient husband put my flower pillow on the bed, blooms facing down. What I should have done was given him a kiss and a “Thank you” for stepping in—then when his back was turned, flip the pillow so the blooms were facing up.
Kidding!
What I really should have done was step away from the bed and let that upended pillow be a reminder that my sweet husband is always willing to lend a hand. But I’m still a work in progress, and God has a sense of humor. Why else would he pair an easy-going man with a woman who insists the clothes are folded right-side out? Are you seeing a pattern here?
When we lived in California, I hung laundry whenever I could. Call me crazy, but there was something soothing about snapping the clothes straight and pinning them on the line that gave me pause. Fresh air, the sway of pine trees above me, the birds singing…all of it played into an attitude of gratitude. So, when Chris would offer to hang a load, I’d usually decline.
It wasn’t because he hung the clothes however they came out of the washer. Really, it didn’t bother me in the least that some of them hung inside-out.
“I did it on purpose,” he told me when it happened the first time, and I couldn’t help but point it out.
“Why? Just to see me squirm?”
He laughed. “No, that’s just a side benefit. I hang them inside-out, so the sun doesn’t fade them.”
“If that’s true,” my logical, Type-A-side said, “then why are some inside-out and some right-side out?”
He didn’t have an answer. Busted.
I come by this trait naturally. You’re probably thinking from my mom, and although she liked our home to be tidy, it was my dad who got a little anal at times. I remember an incident like it happened yesterday. I was about thirteen, and it was my week to do the laundry. It wasn’t a new chore for me, and I was quite adept at folding clothes. But my 6’5” (250 pound) father stopped me as I was folding a pair of his Tighty Whiteys and walked me through a lesson on how it should be done—folded in half (top to bottom) and then in thirds, so they would fit snugly in his dresser. I can’t help myself—I’m now a laundry-folding snob. I can always tell when Chris has pitched in, because I find my underwear half-hazardly folded, and usually inside-out.
Truth be told, I can be a source of frustration for him, too (big surprise, huh?) A number of times, we’ve walked outside to look at something and when he turned around, I was no longer there—instead, he’d find me kneeling in the flower bed pulling weeds. He notices the flowers; I notice the weeds. It works well for him, though, because he rarely (if ever) has to pull weeds.
Do you know why opposites attract? I could share some psycho-babble reasons, but I’d have to dig deep to remember what I learned in one of the myriads of psychology classes I took to earn my degree. And I know, without God in the mix, the opposites that seemed cute and quirky when we first started dating our spouses can easily become a source of frustration and confrontation. It’s when we stop appreciating the differences and see them as an affront to our own agenda that we get into trouble.
But I need my husband’s easy-going attitude to remind me not to take myself so seriously. If I could, I’d trade my personality with his any day of the week. But it’s not how God wired me—and I’m learning to be okay with that. And, believe it or not, Chris benefits from my Type-A-ish bent at times—not only to keep our yard looking nice, but to attend to the details when they’re important (and sometimes they are.)
As the well-known philosopher Rocky Balboa said, “I got gaps. She’s got gaps. Together, we got no gaps.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Comments 3
Jennie, that is what I had always said about David and I. I was shy, he was outgoing. Our very first day of living together, he told me there was a right way to put toilet paper on the roll. I was just happy to get it off the wet counter. I put the toilet paper on right and caught myself doing it just the other day. He wouldn’t fold towels into thirds to fit better in the linen closet, but he did fold my underwear right, if sometimes he forgot to turn them right side out. Folding laundry was one of the few chores he could do for me near the end. There was a time when our children were small, I complained that I needed help with the chores. I came home from work one day that he had been off and he proudly told me how he did the laundry for me. I looked over at the couch where the unfolded laundry was still sitting. I told him that he only put the laundry into the machines, the hard part was getting it all folded and put away. He never left it to be folded if he did the laundry and over his last years with me, he pitched in to fold with me.
The other day our daughter told me that we had a perfect marriage. I started to protest, then she reminded me of the saying she has hanging in her livingroom. “A perfect marriage is two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.” I keep wish God could give him back, I would love another 40 or 50 years, even though I know I would not consider any time I could have with him enough.
Jennifer, you know me, I’m Type A all the way, I’m driven in almost every way. I get out of bed like a firecracker ready to start my day. Who needs coffee? Wayne on the other hand, gets up slow, moves slow at first in the morning and struggles with brain fog. Our personality differences become more distinct the longer we are married and especially now with both of us retired. I realized and yes, Wayne has repeatedly put the pillow sham upside down, I can choose and embrace our differences or let them bug me. He balances me out in his opposite nature and that’s a good thing. I’m learning to accept that we are all different which has made me see in my relationship with Wayne and other close friends, I must accept the differences and quit being critical and disapproving. It’s a lesson I am continuing to learn and just because someone else is different it doesn’t mean I’m right and they are wrong! Just accept what is. Fortunately, we are both anal when it comes to laundry and household duties. I’m glad we are neat freaks together. 😊 Relationships, I believe, is God’s special tool to sculpt up and make us more like Jesus, so our mates are the best tools God uses to achieve this purpose. Thanks for sharing.
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Corlis, thank you so much for sharing. Marriage is definitely a life-long process of iron sharpening iron. And it takes the mature Christian to realize that the differences in our marriage is definitely a God-given gift to help us achieve this day by day. I’m glad to have friends like you who understand the quirkiness the type A personality!