Do you remember your high school physiology class? These days, the kids might be learning about genetic mutations and how to clone DNA, but when I was in high school, we learned about heredity. The dictionary defines heredity as the passing on of physical or mental characteristics genetically from one generation to another. I find it fascinating to know that I, and my sibs, all carry on some characteristic of our parents—and we passed those characteristics onto our children.
For example: My dad tended to see things in black and white. No shades of gray for him. I have that same affliction. It’s not necessarily bad, but it does make it harder for me to break the rules, and if that’s not annoying enough, even harder for me to watch others break the rules. Just ask my husband about the one and only time we were at Epcot Center. We went in to see O Canada, and I was so appalled by the myriad of park attendees taking photos and sitting on the railing—both of which were expressly forbidden—that I missed most of what Michael J. Fox said about his country of origin.
I’m pretty sure I didn’t get this trait from my mom. When my kids were young, we were at my parents’ house and my daughter Nikki got upset with me about something. Her catch phrase was, “That’s not fair!” Hmm. Wonder where she got that from. My mom’s response was something that has stayed with me for twenty years. “Fare is what you pay to ride a bus.” Don’t think I didn’t use that one over and over again.
Don’t you just love Mom-isms? Another of hers was “It’s better than a slap in the belly with a wet fish,” because, really, what isn’t? She’s been dancing with Jesus for fifteen years this month, and though I’m sure she’s not missing anything here on earth, the loss of her doesn’t get any easier for those of us who loved her. But I digress.
Last week, Nikki came up from Louisiana for a visit. She was regaling us with a story about someone who passed her driving recklessly, and then not long after, she saw this person getting ticketed by the state trooper. “It’s about time,” she said. “Idiot drivers never seem to get caught. I’m glad he got his.”
Total transparency here: I’ve often hoped the person jack-rabbiting all over the freeway, putting others in danger, would “get his.” It struck me that Nikki got this black and white characteristic from me. Why couldn’t I have passed on something more beneficial—like my love of healthy food and exercise? I’m grateful she inherited my love for great stories, and the desire to write, but struggling with the concept of grace is tough enough without the predisposition to keep everything on an even keel.
We recently had to deal with a financial situation that seemed unfair to me. Someone we’d extended grace to over and over wasn’t affording us the same courtesy. For a day or two, it bugged me. I gave it up to God, then I took it back again, gave it up, took it back, like we were playing some kind of celestial Hot Potato game, until I finally got on board with His plan. It doesn’t make it easier for me that my husband is one of the most grace-filled people I know. Instead, it makes me feel petty and childish. I really want to be more like him when I grow up.
But I’m reminded of the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant in Matthew 18:21-35. Do you remember that one? It’s about a servant who owes a huge debt to a king (God) and comes to him asking for mercy. The king forgives the debt (Jesus on the cross) and sends him on his way. The servant then meets up with another man who owes him a very minuscule debt (in comparison to what he owed the king) and threatens to throw him into jail until he can pay it back. When the king gets wind of this, he punishes the first servant and calls him wicked.
Verse 35 says, “So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” There is no debt that can ever be owed to me that surpasses the grace of the cross. I need this reminder every day to overrule my propensity to keep score. I only hope I can encourage my daughter to do the same.
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My mom always said “Bite your tongue” and my dad would say “Might as well say it as think it”. Lol now I know why I’m so confused!! Kidding! There is a time for both!
Amen! Love you..