Waiting Game

Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides You, who acts on behalf of those who wait for Him—Isaiah 64:4

Waiting. It’s never been an admirable trait of mine. My mom used to tell me my lack of patience started in the womb—I was two weeks early. It couldn’t possibly have been because she and my dad went dancing that night. Who does that when they’re nine months pregnant? And yes, she would’ve been nine months pregnant, because 38 weeks is actually nine months and two weeks.

I’m not sure who decided 40 weeks equals nine months, but math wasn’t his strong suit. Just had to get that in here since it’s been a bug in my bonnet since giving birth to my first child—who decided to make up for my early arrival by coming two weeks late. I guess everything equals out over time.

Back to the point of this post.

When I was a baby believer, I’d read Galatians 5:22-23—But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control—as a heart check routine. I always stumbled on peace and fell flat on my face with patience. Of course, after years of walking alongside of Jesus, I know impatience can cause havoc with my peace. Always in a rush, never waiting on the Lord.

And then God gave me one of the desires of my heart—to write full time. Nothing about this journey moves faster than a two-towed sloth. Learning the craft, making the right connections, and a lot of waiting. Just when I thought things were beginning to happen for me, the Lord took me on a three-year detour through a season that required not only patience, but a whole lot of praying for His intervention. That’s a story for another post.

During those stressful years, I learned how incredible our God truly is. When we ask Him to intervene, He does. In His time. He redeems every lost hour, but it requires us to be patient.

I’d almost forgotten this over the last six months. I’d been struggling with an impending decision that would change the career course I’ve been on over the last five years. It started with a restlessness in my spirit that started to consume my prayer life. Has that ever happened to you? It’s as if the Lord is trying to prepare you for something to come, but you don’t know what it is.

But God was silent. Did that mean this restlessness didn’t come from Him after all? Was I projecting my own dissatisfaction to justify what I wanted to do? I have pages and pages in my prayer journal asking for His direction, fearful that I would step out of His will. Everything I am, I owe to Him—including the ability to write. I’m not a creative person. Seriously, when my publisher expects me to take part in a multi-author promotion (like the online Christmas party for Suamalie Islands Series next month), panic sets in.

The point is, without the Holy Spirit giving me story ideas and the actual words to create those stories, no one would be interested in what I write. It’s a partnership—or more accurately—a stewardship. I just do what He asks. So, stepping out on my own is not an option.

Six months I prayed, cried, and begged for direction. I had it in my mind what I should do, and my husband and all my writer friends agreed with me, but I couldn’t move forward without the Lord’s approval. The time was drawing close to when I would either need to make a crucial direction shift or be committed to another three of where I am now.

The angst of this began to affect my writing. I’d been on track to send off my latest book to my publisher by the end of September, but here it was closing in on November and I still had three chapters left. My usual two- to three-thousand words a day dwindled to less than a third of that. I still had plenty of time to meet my deadline, but I was beginning to wonder if it was still God’s will that I continue to write at all.

Then a couple of weeks ago, I woke up at two in the morning, (which isn’t unusual for me), and I immediately went to prayer. How much longer was the Lord going to be silent? Suddenly an overwhelming sense of peace like I hadn’t felt in months came over me. I no longer had any doubts about what I was to do, but I was concerned about how this decision would be received. I prayed that the Holy Spirit would go ahead of me and prepare the heart of the “receiver” of this decision.

When I got up that morning, I wrote out a letter to send via email. I shared it with my husband, we prayed over it, and I sent it off. That morning, rather than being consumed with worry over the response I was sure to receive, the writing flowed. More confirmation that God was in the mix.

A few hours later, I opened my email to find the response. It started with, “Your email today is an answer to prayer…” I read on, filled with utter joy to realize that during the months I’d been praying, God had been working through this person’s life as well. Had I jumped ahead of Him with my decision (even though it was the right decision), it could have easily caused heartache and self-doubt.

If you don’t know this, let me encourage you—God’s timing is absolutely, unequivocally perfect. Do not take His silence for disfavor or apathy or disregard. Trust that He is working everything out in the background. More than likely, He had it all figured out before you even thought to pray over it. He’s that awesome.

It’s times like these that my faith grows. We see the Lord’s perfect timing (and the struggle of His children in the waiting) all over the pages of the Bible. Genesis alone gives us Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and Joseph. No, I’m not comparing my small life to the Bible giants, but our God is the same One. If we’re faithful to Him, He will be faithful to us.

Be encouraged by Psalm 46:10—“Be still and know that I am God…” You can bank on it.

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